I must apologise for my absence these last few weeks, I have been busily preparing for (and freaking out about) going back to university again!
On Tuesday I left work in the afternoon and made the trek across town to my university campus for my first lecture. I must admit that this first lecture scared me a little, okay, a lot. Coming from a science background I feel that I face a huge learning curve with this graduate degree in writing, editing and publishing. I am afraid of this curve, that it could possibly throw me off like a motorcycle racer who leans to close to the corner and gets torn from the bike. It is important to acknowledge this fear, to give it a name and look it in the eye. Once I know what the fear is exactly, what it's spidery arms are reaching towards and how far it has spread, I can begin the work of counteracting the fear on my terms.
So I am afraid of a curve in my learning. It is a good curve but the fear inside me is that I am not up to the task. To counter this I need to remind myself that I have already been to university (albeit in a different context) but I know that I am capable of the work expected at these institutions (Amy: 1; Fear: 0).
I am also excited by this learning and that battles fear in a big way because that excitement feeds motivation, which in turn nourishes hard work (Amy: 2; Fear: 0).
But the final point in my trio of battling points against fear is that I have love and support from the people around me, and fear is all by itself!
Final Score. Amy: 3. Fear: 0.
When I headed off to my second lecture yesterday I was understandably apprehensive, but I walked out of the room inspired.
|Part of the beautiful campus at UQ.|
“First Lecture Dreams” by Amy Chatwin
Last night in those starry dreamless hours
I surrendered myself to those highest powers
The dreams called forth by a first lecture’s hope
This is what I remembered through the haze as I awoke
I dreamt of typewriters and coffee stained pages
Submissions from hipsters and new fashioned sages
Whisked away to a world where offbeat is god
But corduroy and activism is not my scene so the dream moved on
Now I’m in a high rise, Prada suited and coiffed
Shiny windows, harbour views, a Blackberry always going off
Rushing in heels, call to my assistant to “Get Ms. Wintour on the phone!!”
This slickness doesn’t suit, oh Morpheus please find my publishing home!
Then I’m landing in soft pages and a pot of tea brewed
Crumbs, galleys from a new Nigella (post-its galore!) across my desk are strewn
Laughter from the kitchen – celebration of a new ‘cook-blook’ to come
Morpheus you found it – the perfect ingredients – hard work, food and fun
A place where ‘yummy’ is a defining criteria
Proofs with recipes crowding their interiors
Yoho and a bottle of essence of rum
A job baked from this batter seems just the right (write) one!
Before I can taste this ambrosia delight
The dawn starts calling an end to the night
My alarm calls to alert a new day and end this sweet sleep
Lecture notes, assignments yet to do, remind me
It’s only first week!